Cheesy Rat Blues

Wishing a Happy Birthday to my father, who would have been 72 today. I would have made him dinner at my home and made him listen to the mix I made for him that had heaps of Marty Robbins in it (see pic above). I imagine he's singing "Ribbon of Darkness" someplace on a 160 acre spread in the cosmos.  I loved how my pop knew how to tune a guitar, how to cast a fly rod, how to tear apart any car made before 1992, how to cast an ICBM rocket motor, how to make a mean Sunday breakfast, how to bullseye a .30-06 at 150 yards, how to make little kids laugh and giggle, how to tie a dozen different rope knots, how to render first aid to anyone for almost any injury, and how to enjoy a good Disney cartoon. He was kind, he was sweet, he was super smart, and he was my dad. He was my first friend, always will be. And he was, like dad's are to many of us, my hero. Just figuring it out as he went along, not always making the best choices, but always trying to be his best to people.  M...

  Two sore arms keep me from sustained typing these days. And swimming, which is a bummer since I was really getting into it. I'm squeezing all I can out of my health insurance to remedy the pinched nerve and tendon issue, But I've returned to this spot in the orbit around the sun for the fiftieth time, and I am grateful to be counted among those who still walk and breath and talk and sing. My compas and my oldest, best friend Chris surprised me with a dinner on my bday, and Jody took me up to the mountains for a weekend by train to North Lake Tahoe. A cabin in the snow. It was the best bday ever! Happiness truly is having someone to share it with, and that I have gotten to do so with Jody and some of the most special people in my life, over my life, I am grateful beyond words. Spending more and more time with Jody and Lindsey and the people I love matters as much as finding peace and joy and beauty in each day. I can say I have never been this relaxed, this confident, this com...

Protect, nurture, defend, support, hug, fuel, feed, water, weed, and always make time for your Center. My Center consists of empathy and love, creativity and action, dedication and experience, self reflection, humility, service, grace, and community. My Center looks like travel with Jody, an undiscovered Blue Note jazz album, a trip to the bookstore with my sobrinos, a Glencairn glass with a little single malt in it, a wish list on the Criterion channel, handwritten letters on my stationery, couch surfing with Lindsey, comfy business casual outfits, a nice Seiko watch, dancing in the kitchen, sitting in the Crocker, recommendation letters for former students, reading a new book, visits with my amazing community. This past year has been a lot for my Center, both a struggle and a strengthening. But I don't know that I have ever had this much confidence or reassurance about my Center, or felt this good about going into a year. My Center is so much more than enough, I am all that I nee...

  "I want to live the rest of my life, however long or short, with as much sweetness as I can decently manage, loving all the people I love, and doing as much as I can of the work I still have to do. I am going to write fire until it comes out of my ears, my eyes, my noseholes - everywhere. Until it's every breath I breathe. I am going to go out like a fucking meteor! - Audre Lorde "What does the money machine eat? It eats youth, spontaneity, life, beauty, and above all, it eats creativity. It eats quality and shits quantity."  - William S. Burroughs So we're dust. In the meantime, my wife and I make the bed. Holding opposite edges of the sheet, we raise it, billowing, then pull it tight, measuring by eye as it falls into alignment between us. We tug, fold, tuck. And if I'm lucky, she'll remember a recent dream and tell me. One day we'll lie down and not get up. One day, all we guard will be surrendered. Until then, we'll go on learning to recogni...